Recently, I realized I'm angry - and it's okay to be angry. I normally wouldn’t describe myself as an angry person. But the incredible human who told me that I was angry is right.
As women, we’ve been made to feel weak and small for so much of our lives. Yet we are the backbone of society, holding up entire families and communities on our own shoulders. And I'm angry that strong female leaders are still asked to bear a disproportionate burden in comparison to their male counterparts. I am f-ing angry that women put up with the shit they put up with in their lives.
(And this is your permission to STOP putting up with the shit that you are DONE putting up with.)
Women are still earning less than men for doing the same job. Women are still making less in their businesses than men because they are holding themselves back through lack of confidence and other limiting beliefs. The wage gap is just as much an internal problem as it is an external problem - and I have a full blog post about that here. But regardless of the reason, I'm f-ing angry about it.
Women are amazing. We are taught to believe that we should find a man to support us, when we can support ourselves. We are taught to keep our heads down and work hard - but no one is teaching us how to ask for more money or negotiate salaries. We are taught that we need to be fully available for our families which scares us into not applying for promotions or higher paying jobs that men are applying for left and right because they aren't made to feel guilty about it.
I'm angry about all of this!
The reality is that as long as women are made to feel small and insignificant, we will continue to put up with the crap that society throws at us. And I'm over it.
Women providing the same services and producing the same (or better) results are still charging less than their male counterparts. Women are not asking for what they’re worth, and it breaks my heart - and infuriates me all at the same time.
Women have a right to charge more money for their services and events. We have a right to make an impact in the world with our products and services. We aren't worth any less than the men charging double, triple, and ten times what women are charging.
Women undercharging tends to come from a lack of self confidence or a belief that no one will pay them what they are really worth. But as long as we, as women, continue to hold ourselves back - we will keep ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle undercharging and feeling small and frustrated. We must break this cycle for ourselves and for future generations of women business owners.
Most of us grew up in a world where our mothers carried the responsibility of housework, childcare, meal prep, and errands. Some of our mothers did this as stay-home-moms. Some of our mothers did this alongside a full time job.
Regardless of the circumstances - the majority of women have been carrying the emotional load in their homes for generations. This has become ingrained in our belief system, and even today, in a world where women are working just as many hours as men, we feel expected to be the one to carry that responsibility.
We are expected to be all things to all people, and it’s exhausting. We are made to feel guilty if we don’t take on every task that needs to be done. We are made to feel bad for asking our husbands to take on "a woman's role" or for outsourcing the tasks we don't want to do to someone else.
It's time for this to change. We CAN ask our husband for help with the housework, the meals, and the kids. It's OKAY to outsource the house cleaning, the laundry, the meal prep, and the childcare if it means you get the opportunity to focus on what you are truly good at.
I'm tired of people making women feel like "bad moms" because they choose to pursue a career or run a business. I'm tired of women being made to feel guilty when they take a business tip and leave the kids home with their dad for a few days. I'm tired of women feeling like they can't pursue their dreams because they have a family.
Truth is, when you put yourself first every once in a damn while, you build a better relationship with yourself. And when you build a great relationship with yourself, you become a better version of you - for yourself AND for your family. And I firmly believe both you and your family deserve that best version of you.
As women, we tend to try to please people - even if it means putting ourselves last. We listen to the things others are saying about us, and we subconsciously put these limits on ourselves or try to change who we really are to keep someone else happy.
Someone told you didn't need to make that much money - so you decided not to raise your rates. Someone told you it wasn't right for women to spend time away from their children - so you decided not to go on that retreat you really wanted to attend. Someone told you it was foolish to leave the comfort of a corporate job - so you didn't start your own business even though you would have been freaking amazing at it.
I am TIRED of seeing women hold themselves back because someone else told them they couldn't or shouldn't do something. Stop it. No one else gets to write your story. You get to write your own story. You get to decide what you are worth, how much time and money you will invest in yourself, and which risks you feel comfortable taking.
We are so hesitant to invest in ourselves as women - be it investing in coaching programs, online courses, masterminds, or even something as simple as a new wardrobe. So many women have this fear that if they invest in themselves, they are taking away from something else - like their family.
Stop. YOU are worth investing in. Investing in yourself is saying that you believe in yourself and the potential of what you can do. Investing in yourself means believing that YOU have value.
What makes me even more angry than when women are afraid to invest in themselves is when women feel the need to ask for their husbands approval before investing in themselves.
I'm not proposing we don't talk to our spouse about big money decisions. But if you know deep down that an investment in yourself is the right move, stop letting someone else tell you no. I know tons of women who are the breadwinners in their family, and still feel they need permission to spend money on themselves.
I am angry that women are still letting other people write their stories, undercharging for their services, trying to be everything for everyone (except themselves), and still feel the need to ask permission before investing in themselves.
I'm tired of women being made to feel like they should settle for less than simply because those around us are okay with accepting the status quo. I created Be in the Room because I wanted a place for women to come to remove their mask.
I wanted a place where it is OKAY to dream big and step into your true power as a leader. I wanted to be surrounded by other amazing women who would challenge me to go beyond the limits of what society has taught us is possible. You're invited to join me inside this community.